I am another person with by-polar disorder. My answer to you is no your marriage is not doomed. But it will take a lot of committment from both of you, and especially from you to learn to control the disorder, through a psychiatrist with medication (which is alot of trial and error, and mental, intellectual, and emotion ajustment on your part which takes time) but the right medication can be found to work for you. Plus use talk-therapy with a professional reputable psychologist. And if you have access to a spiritual guidance counsellor, use that too for yourself, and for your marriage. Your spouse will also need help to know how to help and how to deal with it in a possitive way.
I can promise you, that if you both are willing to invest in your relationship and support each other through this, you will come out stronger, more compassionate, and more whole, than you were before. Life can be wonderful again. I promise.Can people with bipolar disorder type 2 stay happily married or are the destined for doom?
:) Ms. Bondjnta, I love your answer to this question. I'm currenty going out with a guy who has a Bipolar Disorder. I'm worried that I would fail him, because I don't know what this is. And I appreciate your answer is this question. :)
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You are not your diagnosis, but thankfully now you can get treatment that may help. Your marriage can definitely survive and Even grow stronger. So many people struggling with mental health issues self medicate with drugs, alcohol, and risky behavior. Those things would be far more dangerous to your marriage. Good for you for getting help. Now the two of you can work on this together. Don't get discouraged...find out more about the disease. We had a great man speak at our college today who suffered from bi-polar. He's doing fantastic now, is writing a book and has done a PBS special. There are many positive resources and supports out there...find them and use them.
Unseen is right, My Mother had bipolar and was married 27 years the day she passed, but they had a good marriage, many ups and downs but my Dad stuck by her no matter what. That was true love. but yes taking meds will help level you out and you should be just fine. Good Luck, and Happy Marriage !!
if you act like you love you spouse %26amp; your spouse can cope
it will work
i know of people who make it work
good luck %26amp; bless you
Well, it's a hard thing to come to terms with, but getting a diagnosis is the first step to recovery. It's taken me over a year, and I still have trouble accepting it sometimes.
Now the good news. Your marriage doesn't have to fail. Many don't. If you have been anything like I was, you have been a complete *** to live with, and your wife may well feel that she has been emotionally abused. She may react to your diagnosis angrily - suddenly you have a magic excuse for your past behaviour. You're just going to have to give her space to come to terms with it.
I also had a big guilt trip, which was becoming quite destructive, so watch out for that, too.
Also remember, it will take a while to get your medication right for you (everyone is different), so it may be some months yet before you are really on top of things.
More info and support available at:
http://www.crazyboards.org
http://z9.invisionfree.com/Bipolar_Haven
It's important to know that BP is not your fault or the result of any kind of action/drug/experience, it's genetic, it's the way you are wired and there's no need to be devastated. I realize that you don't want to be painted with a stigma, but once you embrace your issues (whether it's bp or depression), you can focus more on getting well, rather than what people think of you.
At this point, there must be something going on with you, where I assume you went to see a Dr. or you talked about it with someone who suggested that you might be BP.
This is a good thing.
You realized that something wasn't right and you reached out for help. This is the most difficult step in seeking treatment for depression or BP.
If left untreated, I think BP can ruin any type of relationship. In my manic episodes, I've created and destroyed more relationships with friends/family/women, than any one I know.
So you are correct to be concerned about your marriage; now it's up to you to address the problem. If it turns out to be BP ll - there are some great meds and treatment plans that will help manage your moods and make life manageable.
Take it from someone whose been there.
Good luck to you!
On medication your only problem may be having to take pills.
are you not happy to finally know what has been going on with your body and mind.ive been married for 21 years 10 being bi-polar. if you had cancer would your spouse leave you, no. if you have so much fear about your relationship, you will not take meds or take care of your self, and from my own experience thats where you have trouble. its not the end of the world by any means. being honest with pshy dr. spouse and mostly my self. i am on new and good meds. just two. live is so much better now, i never want to go back to the continuing circle of **** i was in.congradulations you get to live a better live than most of the people in this world.. good luck. its ok. not everyones buisness but ok. dont worry too much ok.
Stay happily married? My dear, that is entirely up to you. I hate to offer a less optimistic answer, but it is my sincere hope, that by being very blunt, I can help you to see the importance of how you proceed with managing your diagnosis. Some of the answers I've read so far, come from the afflicted perspective. As a result, they may be a bit more hopeful, than helpful.
First and formost, you need to consider what you've put your husband and kids (if any) through to date and whether or not, ';they'; can recover from your past actions. You need to respect and understand their assement of you, during past times. Keep in mind, these are past times, during which, you may have failed to respect them. You need to be prepared to accept their assements at face value and convey all of this info to your medical team.
When talking to your doc, if you disqualify or underestimate your past or current behavior, it will greatly affect your initial and on going treatment. Specifically, you probably won't get the degree of meds you need to be successful.
You also need to give your husband the gift of full disclosure and allow him to attend any/all of your doctor appointments, as he sees fit. He needs to see you trying to get better AND he also needs to give constant feedback to the doc, so together, they can insure your med cocktail is correct.
You need to always remember that external feedback is critical, because often, your perception and recollection process, maybe unclear during difficult times. You need to demonstrate that you are commited to actively taking all meds ALWAYS as required AND also get plenty of much needed sleep. Both should be treated as equally important components, to your on going success.
You need to accept that you're not instaneously cured, once you start taking meds. More often than not, you may go through different brands and dosages of meds, before the right combo is acheived. Do not lose patience during this fine tuning process. And as such, you should also continue to value other people's assessments of your on going behavior, rather than habitally thinking you're ';OK';.
While you don't necessarily have to tell the world about your diagnosis, it cannot be your secret struggle either. THAT WILL ONLY HURT YOU! At a minimum you need to build a support group of family and friends. You can't hold any grudges, regarding anything they may say. You need to give your group the flexibilty and comfort necessary, to allow them to comment back to you, about your behavior. You need to have enough maturity, to realize they maybe telling you something you may not want to initally hear. But none the less, it needs to be said. You also need to allow them to talk amounst themselves, about you. Keeping you on track is a group effort. Subsequently, if they can get you help during difficult times, your episodes will be less severe. Often friends and family may notice some of the little things, that are signs of an up coming episode. Maybe something you said, an expression on your face, whatever. Often, there is some little sign, people close to you, may notice.
More often than not, any changes in meds and/or dosages, will likely come from other's feedback about your behavior, rather than your own assesment of yourself. BP people have a tendancy to under estimate their emotional spectrum, because they struggle with objective perspective, so second hand personal feedback is critical.
To best describe BP behavior, the analogy I use with my wife, is imagine if you were under hypnosis and you were asked to bluntly, comment about friends and family. Undoubtedly as you went around the room, you may say she's too fat, he dresses bad, that guy has bad breath, I hate her laugh and so on. For that matter, the hypnotist might make you dance around like a chicken too. In any event, when you are awakend, you recall nothing, while clearly everyone around you is decimated and personally offended. While you want to go on as if nothing happend, everyone else struggles with the monsterous blow you just dealt them. You heal or move on quick, while others don't. This is the legacy of bipolar.
This is why you must value other's assesments of yourself.
It is also equally import for you to attively attend a BP support group, for you to better understand your diagnosis AND also understand what others have also been through. While the names change, often the stories are all the same. I think it is valuable to hear about other people's episodes, in order to hopefully prevent making the same mistakes. The more you can understand about your diagnosis, during lucid times, the better off you will be.
I would also recommend your husband attend a friends/family support group as well. Do not underestimate his pain. It is important for him to understand, he's not alone, in regards to what he's been through and he'll additionally learn techniques to better deal with you during difficult times going forward.
It is also critical for you and your husband to discuss and agree on how to handle things going forward, to minimize future episodes. You need to cover the whole gambit of issues...
1. Limmiting your access to money, checking accounts, lines of credit and credit cards. Understandably, relinquishing your financial access will seem like a blow to your freedom and independance, but keep in mind, it will also insure your family will not be economically devistated, or if you go on a manic roadtrip, you can't go very far.
2. Having a full medical disclosure agreement on file with your doctors, so your husband, mother, father and/or sibling can actively participate with any of your emergency medical treatments
3. A list of prefered people to call, if you or your husband needs help in anyway. These people need to be non-judgemental
4. If an episode is servere, both of you must agree on what actions on your part would require hospitalization, even if it's against your own will
5. Limmiting your access to anything that would put you at risk to engauge in risky behaviour... be it the internet, casinos, myspace, pay per view, home shopping network or whatever
6. How to handle the kids, during episodes... what to say/do/etc.
All of these are issues better discussed and agreed upon proactively, prior to having an episode. You also need to understand that even with the right meds and proper sleep, future episodes probably will occur, although frequency should be fewer and farther between.
I would also suggest you and your husband try to develop a list of triggers that cause you go manic and/or depressed. Consider what triggers, if any can be avoided in their entirety. Consider which ones can be further minimized.
Also, i think you need to give your husband the ability to have plenty of alone time. He needs to get away from you time to time. Be it going to a friends house, a movie by himself, fishing, whatever. He needs to have his own sanctuary, during which, he can mentally get a break from you. The frequency of which, needs to be set by him.
I hope I've been a help. I think this is an encouraging course of action. Keep in mind, regardless of what your final diagnosis is, many derivatives have overlapping characteristics, such as BP1, BP2, BP non-specific, general depression, mood disorders, etc. Subsequently, as you encounter information, do not necessarily veto it, because it doesn't match your specific diagnosis. READ IT AND LEARN FROM IT! Soak it up like a sponge. The same goes for your husband.
Regarding my understanding of the illness, I have found the following resources to be very instrumental in furthering my understanding of this diagnosis.
www.dbsalliance.org
www.nami.org
BIPOLAR FOR DUMMIES (the book)
At a minimum, check out the websites for support groups in your area.
As a parting shot, to inspire you to stay focused and determined. Let me say a few things about my situation. I have a wife that is BP2. This finally came about, after I've struggled with her personality quirks for 15 years, the last 3 of which, have been a nightmare of and on. Needless to say, we have discussed aIl of the above. But instead, she...
struggles with accepting her diagnosis
refuses to further educate herself about her diagnosis
struggles with consistently taking meds
refuses to sleep as instructed by the doctor (and me)
refuses to discuss her diagnosis with friends
indescriminantly spends money, to the detriment of the family
will not let me go with her to the doctor
continues to get depressed
continues to argue
will not go to a support group
and so on, and so on
Needless to say, the long term outlook is still not looking so good. SO I ASK YOU, WHICH IS THE BETTER WAY TO PROCEED???
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